Dis This!

Wednesday 
April 3, 2013

Miss  Understanding

Today I want to try and take you behind my eyes and on into my brain...OMG NNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

Okay very funny everybody...

Anyway, before I had a dis-ease and became dis-abled, I thought I was quite considerate and kind to people in general, (unless they are driving about 5 miles under the speed limit right in front of me. Then all bets are off!), especially to the handicapped (at the time that was politically correct). After all my dad (the greatest guy , human being, dad in the world no strike that--universe) worked in Special Education most of his life as a teacher, coach, and principle. And then he had to come home to a houseful of idiot children! Some of that goodness had to rub off on me, right?

No I don't think so...

Because now that I am in those differently abled shoes--that are always too tight because my feet have turned into slabs of size 11 swollen meat and my right big toe ALWAYS hurts---I cringe to think how condescending and patronizing I have been to disabled people. 

Now, after personally going through hell a few times, as a nurse I can so empathize with both patients and families because of my experiences both in that bed and in the chair beside the bed. 

Right before I had my own PD diagnosis my husband had an MI. The cardiologist thought he would benefit from a CABG--a heart blood vessel bypass. They had discovered aneurysms on three of his arteries. (probably Kawasaki's as a child) So at 51 years old a few days before my birthday in Feb of '06 they rolled him into the OR for what was supposed to be a 4 hour operation.

Well about 6 hours passed and I hadn't heard anything. Me? Not feeling great about it. BTW--thank you Leslie B., the best manager besides the Pegster in the world! She had stayed with me after finding me virtually alone in the surgical waiting room. 

There was a terrible rainstorm outside, slashing at the windows. But the air inside that waiting room felt heavy and black and more ominous than a hurricane. At some point the surgeon came out and told me things were not going quite as planned and they were still in the process of surgery. Well I was not that innocent, I knew that this was NOT GOOD. 

Finally after abour 11 hours a cheery, smiling resident came into the waiting room and asked me if I would come with her. I really wanted to rip her smile off her face as she led me deeper and deeper into the bowels of the floor. The farther we went the worse it was, I was convinced. 

And I was right. 

Short story long--he was hanging by a thread for the first 24 hours, then was in a coma for about 5 days. But by God's grace and only His grace, he pulled through. (tears always come here) 

So yes I know how it feels to be at that bedside. 

As a nurse and a person and a DIFFERENTLY ABLED PERSON now I am empathetic and sympathetic. 

And paranoid!!!!!! 

to be continued...hey are you following me...??? 

Join me tomorrow as the story becomes "PROFOUND".....

Jackie and me at our daughter's wedding.