Miss Understanding to misunderstanding, to misery upon standing
Friday
April 5,2013
Miss Understanding to Misunderstanding to Misery on standing
So, I have related how wonderfully empathetic and sympathetic I have become since the diagnosis.
Today is the day we go together into the land of the paranoidal. (Is that even a word, young lady? I, I,I,...d,d,don't know your honor) (Whee!)
Breathe.
Reorient.
Alright, so the meds I take can cause CRAZY dreams. And can leave me feeling a bit unsettled for while.
And they can interfere with falling asleep--which is why I was up until 0030 last night and awake at 0400, then at 0600 to 0700. Got up to eat---STARVING!--then back to bed till 1111.
When you have a disability and everyone knows it, words and actions can be misunderstood by either person. I am sure I have been misunderstood because I have a bit of trouble speaking sometimes; again the innervation to the muscles that allow clear speech don't always have the juice to get them firing on all cylinders.
While I am feeling sorry for myself I might as well include my eyesight. Until about four years ago I never needed glasses just to see, only for reading. Now I am lost without my glasses.
My hearing is okay, I am not going deaf, but if someone does not enunciate clearly I may have a problem understanding them.
So there can be a physical reason for me being misunderstood.
When someone says "hey can I help you with that?" or "here, let me do that for you", I used to say "sure" or "no thanks" without thinking.
Now I have that creeping paranoia that I am being viewed as incapable or inept at a task. That bothers me because I know I have a lot of Ability left. And I am not used to being considered as not capable, not up to the task, even though I get it that I am not up for some tasks anymore.
Maybe I won't be refinishing my kitchen cupboards or painting the living room ever again, but I can rearrange the furniture or stand on a step stool to water the plants. My family sure lets me do the laundry, clean the house, cook, and take out the garbage! (that would be my son and hubby).
Now back to the show...
I know I have to be more careful, more conscious. It's an everyday, every minute, way of life now.
To be aware of speaking, enunciating clearly, moving my limbs (picking up my R leg so it doesn't drag) swinging my arms when walking, chewing my food very well, listening very carefully, hanging on to the bannister going up and down the stairs...no wonder I am exhausted (and in pain) by mid-afternoon!
Pain is my built in meter that lets me know when to stop--specifically pain in my lower back; if I do too much my back will tell me so. Either to stop doing and sit or stop sleeping and get up...
WAKE UP!!! breathe....reorient....
until tomorrow...
April 5,2013
Miss Understanding to Misunderstanding to Misery on standing
So, I have related how wonderfully empathetic and sympathetic I have become since the diagnosis.
Today is the day we go together into the land of the paranoidal. (Is that even a word, young lady? I, I,I,...d,d,don't know your honor) (Whee!)
WAKE UP!!!
Breathe.
Reorient.
Alright, so the meds I take can cause CRAZY dreams. And can leave me feeling a bit unsettled for while.
And they can interfere with falling asleep--which is why I was up until 0030 last night and awake at 0400, then at 0600 to 0700. Got up to eat---STARVING!--then back to bed till 1111.
When you have a disability and everyone knows it, words and actions can be misunderstood by either person. I am sure I have been misunderstood because I have a bit of trouble speaking sometimes; again the innervation to the muscles that allow clear speech don't always have the juice to get them firing on all cylinders.
While I am feeling sorry for myself I might as well include my eyesight. Until about four years ago I never needed glasses just to see, only for reading. Now I am lost without my glasses.
My hearing is okay, I am not going deaf, but if someone does not enunciate clearly I may have a problem understanding them.
You want to see a real life comedy team, you should observe me and my mom on the phone together!
She IS quite hard of hearing and if I don't consciously think about my voice sometimes I can't speak real clearly or loud...
So I say "blah blah blah" and then there is silence on the other end. So I yell "YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME DID YOU" and she says "no" and then I will consciously yell " I SAID BLAH BLAH BLAH". And this goes on for a while until we're both worn out.
Then there is the interaction with OTHER PEOPLE.
When someone says "hey can I help you with that?" or "here, let me do that for you", I used to say "sure" or "no thanks" without thinking.
Now I have that creeping paranoia that I am being viewed as incapable or inept at a task. That bothers me because I know I have a lot of Ability left. And I am not used to being considered as not capable, not up to the task, even though I get it that I am not up for some tasks anymore.
Maybe I won't be refinishing my kitchen cupboards or painting the living room ever again, but I can rearrange the furniture or stand on a step stool to water the plants. My family sure lets me do the laundry, clean the house, cook, and take out the garbage! (that would be my son and hubby).
Important notice of exception!
* My very clever, beautiful, talented, and VERY pregnant daughter Aja is going to make me a grandma any day now. So I love to go out to her house and do what I can for her and the best son-in-law in the world, Roberto.*
Now back to the show...
I know I have to be more careful, more conscious. It's an everyday, every minute, way of life now.
To be aware of speaking, enunciating clearly, moving my limbs (picking up my R leg so it doesn't drag) swinging my arms when walking, chewing my food very well, listening very carefully, hanging on to the bannister going up and down the stairs...no wonder I am exhausted (and in pain) by mid-afternoon!
Pain is my built in meter that lets me know when to stop--specifically pain in my lower back; if I do too much my back will tell me so. Either to stop doing and sit or stop sleeping and get up...
WAKE UP!!! breathe....reorient....
until tomorrow...
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