Sunny Day BLACK Mood...

7/29/14

Tuesday,

I should have been born an heiress. 

No, REALLY!!!! I would have been VERYgood at it. 

Instead I am stuck in this small little life...in a body that works sort of okay some of the time; with a batterry pack in my chest that hurts and wires leading through my neck (OUCH) up into my brain. 

That is the only way I can be sort of normal. 

Sometimes that is a really sh%#$$y downer. 

(i feel like crap today. )

I feel like everyone in this world is working against me and Jack. 

It seems like we work SO EFFING hard for the little piece of life that we have. And we are supposed to be very thankful for it. 

And I am--don't get me wrong--(Chrissy H.) I am a good pretender at being a good pretender. 

But some days are harder to get through than others. (Umm, like today? YES!!!!)

Maybe it's this unholy cold summer. 

Maybe it's the stupid decisions I have made in my life. 

Maybe I miss my doggy that died unexpectedly and still unexplained about 9 years ago. 

Maybe I am just being a total bitch this morning.

Maybe it just really sucks today to have Parkinson's Disease and today is the best day I will have because tomorrow I will be a little bit older and weaker and in a little more pain. 

Do NOT screw with me today!!!!

I do have these days where I look back on my life and wonder about the choices I have made, why do I have this stupid disease, what is my future like? 

Maybe maybe maybe maybe....

I don't feel good today, not feeling too hopeful. 

And I hope to get some kind of good news from out of the blue to make me happy and ashamed of my bratty tantrum I am throwing today. 

If you ever feel so crappy...I guess I hope you get over it soon. I hope something in your life will cheer you and warm you back up to human level. 

I hope the same for myself. 

For now and until the next,

Peace and Love....